My birthday letter to Bangtan
I was supposed to write you a poem, but I could not find the rhyming words. I don’t want this paper to be empty. It’s honestly overwhelming that I didn’t even know where to begin but I still want to put this letter out there. If I’m lucky enough, you’ll be able to read this. If destiny permits, this might help an army while reading. But its also for me, to re-read on June 13, 2021 and reminisce the past year.
I did not deserve the 7 years with BTS, I started late. It was 4 years ago and that is more than enough for me. It fits perfectly into the journal of my heart. I always tell myself, why didn’t I know you guys sooner? Why I was not even there when you started? Because honestly, I wanted to be there. What would I have become if I had been with the fandom from the start? But then I realized, puzzles have their own pieces to make it a whole. I was meant to know you 4 years ago and not 7. 2016, FIRE. May 13, 2016 to be exact. An unknown dance practice video was in my YouTube feed. A guy with brown boots and bouncy black hair, a guy with those ripped jeans and white baseball cap caught my attention, it was Jungkook and Yoongi. I think I watched that video multiple times that day until I memorized your names the same day. I totally forgot about watching anything and binged watched all your past contents. Little did I know, I became part of your troops, an army. There’s nothing really special at first but you guys were really good in performing. Until I came to know what your songs were like and your stories, that’s when I loved you guys deeper. I didn’t actually realize that you have become my stress reliever.
I started law school at 2017. I thought it was a short-lived fangirling moment since I had to set my priorities straight. But I didn’t know, you guys will be a great part of it. It was stressful and I keep building the pressure around me as I am also working. I seriously throw myself to bed and grab my phone to watch your clips that I have watched numerous times already, it’s calming. Every time I get anxiety attacks, I watch your videos and the next thing I know, I’m gushing over Jungkook’s marshmallow cheeks. Like what my doctor told me, your will is stronger. You guys didn’t save me. But instead you help me find a way to save myself because that is what’s best. And thank you. You might not believe it but thank you. I have also become a support system to some of my classmates who’s experiencing the same, thank you. Those demons are my demons. I have to tame them so they don’t over power me. Thank you.
Thank you for fulfilling one of my heart’s greatest desire, a sibling. You even gave me more than what I asked. Tho I know they might not stay with me forever, but all I need is now.
Thank you for keeping me sane after over 100+ cases and articles in a day. I literally dance to 21st Century Girls or Anpanman at 4am when I still have things to do and I feel so sleepy. So don’t ever ask if you deserve all the love, because you all do. We all do. BTS are written in the galaxy along with ARMY. Our paths are destined to cross to make a change for each other. You aren’t seven without us, but we aren’t ARMY without you. So 4 years is enough for me to start something good with you guys. I was meant to open my YouTube app that time to see you on my feed. If I arrived 2 seconds later, it might have changed everything. I wasn’t late, I am on time. And I am able to catch up on the things I missed. Same goes for the ARMYs who just figured out months ago, or yesterday. They weren’t late. It’s their own ARMY pace. And they can catch up for all the things they missed like what I did. Those people that was with you guys in the beginning was meant to be there. Because if you had all of us sooner, the journey would’ve been different. We might not be able to realize what it feels like to be an underdog, or fight for the things that we knew are ours. It’s perfect. Though I wonder how would it be. But there’s nothing I would change into it. I’d still choose May 13, 2016. Because if I were at June 13, 2013, it might have change something that we won’t be able to see today.
Thank you for my ARMY sisters. Thank you for your music. Thank you for your words.
One thing is for sure, I might not be there from the early moments of your career but I’ll stick until the last ones. I will never waver.
I wish you guys to be really happy. I wish to see those smiles from the people who gave me so much to look forward to.
HAPPY 7TH BIRTHDAY, BANGTAN!!
Love,
JC
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